It’s International Women Day and I decided to write about something every women going to Japan should know. The stalking problem. Something that a two week turist haven't probably paid attention to in such extent as a long term resident. Remember how in anime sometimes there is this creepy stalker girl/guy character who is usually a harmless comic relief? Well, it’s not just writer’s imagination, it’s an actual problem. One I unfortunately saw a glimpse of myself.

We’ve all heard about the Big Problems: perverts in Japan. We all probably read the news and moved to something else. But the problem is present, in subtle signs. Here are some examples (and sure, mentioned things have also other reasons, but those mentioned are alarming enough). The “women only” trains are not only because it gets crowded in rush hours and it’s more comfortable in the same sex company. It’s because there were perverts groping girls when there was no place to move away. The camera shutter sound that’s impossible to turn off  in Japanese phones is so nobody would take suspicious photos of unaware people. The reason why people shoot strange glances at people with briefcases in trains is because there was a problem with installing cameras on them and recording shots under girl’s skirts. And finally guess the reason why so many anime/manga (Ranma 1/2 for example - with target readers being young boys) have the “panty thief” element. And realise that it’s shown there as funny. So yes, perverts apparently are a problem in Japan but that’s the beginning.

A while ago I wrote a post about not so pleasant surprises in Japan and one of them was strangers following me and very persistently asking me to go for coffee with them. Maybe I shouldn’t call them stalkers, since they were never following me longer than 15 minutes, but for a lack of better word (and since it was always a very intense 15 minutes that ruined my mood for a long while) I will go with it. When I started talking about this, some people thought I was exaggerating. Let me tell you this: I wish I was. I wish it wasn’t a problem every girl I know, that was a foreigner and had to walk down the streets alone, didn’t complained about. But to not just speak generally, here are some examples - true stories!

One of my friends was going back home late in the evening after her student club practice. She was living in a calm neighbourhood so the streets were almost empty. Some guy walked to her and started asking where she’s from, where does she live, is she’s alone, and following her, insisting that he will walk her home. Now, a stranger “walking you home” to protect you from strangers following you, is ridiculous and dangerous for obvious reasons, and she told him to leave her alone, but he kept following her and insisting until she (fortunately) saw some Japanese lady on the street and asked her for help.

Another thing that happened to me was a “meeting” in the middle of the day in Arcades, on the purikura floor, where two guys, clearly drunk, chatted me up. Since it was my third week in Tokyo I thought that maybe it’s someone I meet on campus and stopped to look at them, just to realise that I don’t know them. They kept talking, asking me to go to a dinner with them even when I told them “No, sorry, I don’t know you”. When I turned to leave, one of them caught my wrist and pulled, not letting me move away. Fortunately I managed to get myself free, but it was a shocking and unpleasant experience. The most scary part: the whole time two safety guards were watching us. They saw everything and all they did was stare. Would they help me if I wouldn’t be able to get away from those guys? Or maybe they thought it was me being rude? Maybe I should stand there and shyly look at my feet, letting the guys do whatever they want because they “just caught my wrist, it’s not like they are dragging me somewhere”? Maybe it’s only in my culture that it’s forbidden to touch people against their will? Surprises continue: when I told about this to my Japanese friend, unsure about what to do in similar situations, she told me after a while “Hmm, you could scream”. Which surprised me, because I thought that in situation like this, being allowed to scream is so obvious it goes without saying, but apparently my friend thought I might be ashamed to do so, because women are supposed to be quiet and it's unladylike to make a fuss. Even more surprisingly when I was talking about this problem with Japanese people some of them suggested that I should simply agree to go for this coffee or whatever the guys were asking me about. They were suggesting that agreeing to go somewhere with a pushy guy following me, persisting to go somewhere, even though I clearly stated I’m not interested, would be a good solution. Because I don’t have a boyfriend so what’s my problem?

This goes further. Some people might suggest that I’m simply a dumb gaijin not understanding the culture and trying to behave like back in my country or that I’m being rude by opposing. This actually happened. One guy who was following me through the whole Ikebukuro Station, saying that I’m pretty and he just wants to talk with me more because of it, tried to use the “reverse gaijin card”, aka my lack of knowledge about culture, to shame me into doing what he wanted. When I politely asked him to stop following me, he asked why (which is already saying a lot about the situation). I told him that I don’t know him and it’s strange. He laughed and said “Oh that’s normal in Japan” suggesting that I should “do as Romans do”.  Lots of people say that if I don’t like something in a foreign country, I shouldn’t complain and simply go back home; but does that really mean that I have to accept stalkers without mentioning it’s a problem? After a few months of this happening I found another solution: I pretended to not understand Japanese or English at all. It worked in 90% of the cases.

You can express yourself with those LINE stickers, and say "NO" (from LINE's Brown & Cony's Lonely Hearts Date stickers set)

Let's not get over our head here. Japan is one of the safest countries I've seen. While a lot of my friends had to deal with somewhat strange, a little unpleasant behaviour of their "followers" nobody got hurt or even been in real danger. Now, why I’m making such a big deal out of it, when nothing bad actually happened? A lot of people would probably say that I’m making an issue when there’s nothing bad, just a few pushy guys talking every once in a while, and that I’m not understanding the culture or trying to make Japan more like my country. But that's just the start - even if me and all my friends were lucky and safe, in Japan there are reported crimes going as far as murder that started with stalking. There are two more reasons. First, I can deal with it by pretending to not know the language and I’m assertive enough not to get persuaded by them. But there are lots of other girls who can’t. Who feel like they are too rude or too noisy or simply tired of repeating themselves and I worry about them. And I know that I was lucky enough to just have to deal with pushy followers, but this problem starts here and runs much deeper. Second reason is that I really hope that at least someone would get this message: when someone repeatedly says “no”, it’s not playing hard to get or shy,  it’s a clear refusal. Don’t be a stalker.

Also, I’m really curious how it works for foreigner guys? Are the girls stalking them too? Are they chatted up on the street by a group of shyly smiling “cute” girls? Followed on their road back home like it sometimes happens in mangas?

Feel free to leave a comment if you’d like to share your experience in that matter!

You can read more about this issue there: